Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
