Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
