Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
