why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
