Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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