Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love you.
Bad choice
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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