the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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