he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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