amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
