Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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