Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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