I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
