Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
