You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
