He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
