It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
