8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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