I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
