Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
