Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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