she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
