Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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