she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
