You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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