chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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