There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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