My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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