She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
