So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
