i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
