And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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