i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you win again, gameday.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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