If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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