Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
