So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
