Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
