but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
