her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so let's talk penis.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
