The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The power of my boobs compel you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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