I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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