its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
