Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my being single is dangerous.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
