Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
