like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
