I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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