I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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