I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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