Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
