The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Michael Bay diarrhea
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
