that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
