i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
