I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
