He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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