I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
