I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
