I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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