I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
