There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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