just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
