Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
