My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
