just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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