Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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