Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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