Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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