Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
