He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
