He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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