It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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