Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
