The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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