Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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