So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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