i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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