Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
