Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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